Hard to say goodbye
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011Sometimes, it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. That’s exactly what I’m doing in many areas of my life, but I also recently had to make a tough decision to let go of my baby of the past three years: Sub Rosa, the Gypsie Courtyard. Weekly production, booking, hosting was becoming too much for me, and I found myself unable to really pursue my own art forms and be such a supporter of everyone else at the same time. I am capable of and wanted to host higher quality shows, but found it hard while I was locked into the weekly duties of taking care of Sub Rosa. It’s been coming for a while. I have been struggling to keep it going because I know it means something to the people who were involved and came regularly and it meant something to me. You all mean so much to me. I wanted to keep it alive for you all, but had to know when to let go and follow where my heart was leading. Thank you for the amazing and overwhelming response of support I have gotten so far. I have met so many amazing talents over the last three years and believe in each of you so much. You’ve all touched me, blessed me and filled me up with wonder and good stuff. You all have such exciting journeys ahead of you if you just believe in the whispers from your heart that guide you. I will continue to produce events on a less regular schedule with a main focus on developing my performance art and hope to work with many of you in those events. I will be posting calls to artists, performers, models, etc for different productions. This is the first one: My next show is Poetry, Pop, and Paint and the information for the call can be found here on facebook : http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=188781017831980
In other news, the debut of my song Broken went so well! Thanks to my partner, Jada Parks for her photography and inspiration and to Nick Peay for the perfect music! Artography was such an awesome and fun event produced by Kenn Parks, and I was very happy with the response! I wish I had set up a webcam as suggested by my friend Tim to stream people’s responses to the web. Some people were creeped out to the point of being unable to look in my direction. One woman leaned in to tell me that I was very brave. Others let me know how much they enjoyed it, and I met some really awesome artists, creatives. Kenn did a great job at creating an event for people to mingle, appreciate art, and I foresee some awesome collaborations coming out of it. I enjoyed it immensely and can’t wait to do more living exhibits in the future. Here are some awesome photos by Tim Valentino of VU (pronounced View) Photography and Joe Mays and a phone video by Tim Druck. Enjoy! I am still working on the parade video footage and photos to share with you. Hope to have them done by the next newsletter.
On another note, I’ve found myself in a place where people that used to scare me with bullying or by holding their approval/love over my head no longer scare me. I’ ve found them raise their heads and try to surface with the type of behavior that would have used to make me give in or try to defend myself or try to make everything “ok” . I’ve found it quite liberating to realize that I’ve come to a place where I don’t really care what they think. I’ve found that the more I tried to shine, the more of a target I became. Somewhere in my journey, I overcame a need to prove myself to haters, people who wanted to hold me back and decided to let my actions speak for me. I am human like everyone else on a path of learning, trying to figure out who I am, go for my heart’s desires and learn how to best be me. Part of that process includes falling, making mistakes. We all do. If we didn’t, none of us would learn to walk..we’d still be crawling around on the ground. Some of us aren’t happy with just learning to walk. We want to fly. The further you are from the ground, the harder you may find yourself falling. It’s far too easy to weigh ourselves down with our own judgment and criticism. The last thing we need is a bully or someone we trust/care about to continually grab on to our legs and try to pull us back down. The truth is it has never really been them holding us down that keeps us from flying…it’s our failure to push off of them and leave them behind. It sucks that they are lonely where they are, but maybe if you continue to rise, they will see that they can, too. My favorite quote this year has been “Do not speak about your greatest gifts…Leave the talking to others.” I’m trying to make that my mantra. You’re either for me or against me and if you’re against me, the past is your home and I’m not looking down / back as I rise. The people I now find myself surrounded by and consider friends that have shown me real love/support, inspire me to continue to rise, and actually care about my well being/happiness and I theirs are more precious to me than gold, and the others are..well, people….people I once knew. It’s hard to say goodbye and walk away from the habit/desire of giving others your power and letting them make you feel bad about yourself or scare you into giving up on flying, but definitely a hurdle worth leaping over. So, raise a glass with me and toast to the liberation of saying good bye to the fears of yesterday!!






























































