Divinity Rising: All Part of the Show -

I have a lot of people say to me “You’re really living the life” or “You have it made” or “You receive more love in a week than most people do in a year”. I think the best gift I can give to those of you following me is vulnerability. I don’t want to be on a pedestal. I am surrounded by people when I am out and about..but then, I go home and live life like everyone does, and oftentimes I am not invited out or thought of because people assume I am surrounded by people or busy or have something going on. I have pain and disappointments and trials like anyone. It is my desire to keep going despite these things and the continued belief in myself and support from others that brings me the successes I do find. I would be nothing without you.

I know what it’s like to feel alone. I know that times like holidays can make you think of everyone going to see their family or the things that others have to give each other…..for some reason that often inspires us to look at our own lack or think of people we miss who are no longer around or we’ve decided to discontinue having in our lives for one reason or another. NO matter how grateful we try to be or think of those who have less, it can be hard to fight back emotions of sadness.

During the holidays, it can hit hard. It can hit so hard that it makes us forget the amazing things that we do have…it makes us blind to the fact that there are probably people looking at us, wishing they had what we have.

Humans are funny creatures. We look around at everyone else thinking they have it made, but there are others looking at us the same way.

Everyone has their ups, their gifts, their talents, and everyone has their pains, their disappointments, their demons.

Around the holidays, I find myself missing family members or people I’ve chosen to leave behind or people who’ve chosen to leave me behind. If I don’t catch myself, I’ll let my own thoughts torment me. I’ll find the judgments of those people continuing to affect how I feel about myself. I begin to believe that I am not useful to anyone. I begin to believe that I am alone. I begin to believe …lies.

If I take a moment to turn on some relaxing music and have a conversation with those thoughts swirling around and try to look at things from a higher place, I remember..I left those people behind for a reason – they couldn’t accept me…they were painful to me, they were toxic.I came to a moment where I realized those people would never be what I hoped they would. Others left me behind because they felt I was toxic or mostly I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be. Those ties were severed for a reason, and although painful, were for the best. I don’t have to go to a place for the holidays anymore where I feel insecure, feel judged, will be met with a sermon, or called stupid or embarrassing. I don’t have to go somewhere where I will feel as if I have to put on a mask and be a model american to earn love. The reasons others couldn’t accept me are endless, I’m bisexual, I wanted to be a performer/writer and hated a 9-5 job, I decided to homeschool my son because he was doing horribly in the public schools, I wanted to address emotional scars/pains from our past that terrified others too much to deal with, I made mistakes while I was young that they will never get over….And their disapprovals, rejections, etc continued to shape me into believing that’s who I was…it blinded me to the good that I have within me… What they didn’t know is that we become what we are filled with…

And while I find myself free from the pain of judgment, rejection, being a pain in someone else’s side – I still feel pain – I feel lonely, and will probably always grieve the loss of those relationships that I spent years hoping would one day be okay…but the only time they were okay were the holidays, and even then the toxicity bled through. What good is a relationship like that? My nature is to fix things – to try to create harmony, to try to keep the peace, apologize and forgive…but I came to a point where I couldn’t let others continue to emotionally hurt myself or son just so I could be loving to them or the “forgiving one”. I had to learn to love them from a distance so that I would not be subjecting myself or my son to that. …or subjecting them to the stress that is me for that matter.

So, it leaves me here, in this space where I can trick myself into thinking I am alone…but I’m not. I think the temptation to be sad during the holidays is because our attention is so focused on this big hyped up moment…this big NOW that is supposed to be so spectacular. Some of us know that our big NOW won’t be so spectacular, and so emotions arise from the conflicting information around us….but if I take a moment to exist beyond the NOW and beyond what all the information around me right now is saying, I see a huge stretch of moments and so many of them are FULL…full of love, full of gifts, full of people who’ve touched me or whom I’ve touched, and so many of those gifts, those moments with others are far better than a clock wrapped up under a tree, or an awkward holiday party with people I don’t feel loved with…I see beyond this “Christmas” and realize that my life is full, my heart is full, and come to peace with the fact that I may always miss people I’ve left behind and wish that things were better between us….but that I am miles away from a life I used to live that had a lot of pain….I am moving more and more into a life full of love, more fully myself and who I truly am, surrounded by people I can count on that do not attack me out of their own fears of who I am…but I had to be the one to start that journey to find those people…and choose to let those beautiful people in.

I have found that turning on some beautiful music, lighting candles, and making a list of everything I do have is a great way to begin to feel better. Writing always makes me feel better. I start with the simple, like the pen I’m writing with, because I don’t know what I would do if I could not write. It is the only thing that keeps me even remotely sane. Before I write about what I’m grateful for, I write a letter unleashing all the ick…all the feelings that I feel that need to come out – they usually are not pretty, but if we don’t find a way to vent them, they will continue to stay inside and be a part of us. So, I write about what disappoints me, what hurts, why I’m angry, who I miss. Then, when I’m free from tears, I write about what I’m grateful for…It leaves me feeling much better.

I want you to know…I know how it feels to have pain, to miss people, to feel down on yourself…but I believe in you. I’ve come so far, and I know that you can, too, if you need to.

I usually have a party at my home for single people, or people who do not have a lot of family…It is important to reach out to the people you do care about, and I want to make sure that everyone has somewhere to go and be loved, but this year, I find that my home is an hour and a half away from everyone or further, and am spending the holiday at a friend’s house while she is away. This is the first year that Cody will be spending Christmas night with his dad. I will probably be headed up to spend Christmas night with one of my best friends, Larry, at his karaoke at Bearnos in the Highlands. If you find yourself wanting good company and some fun, please join us there.

If you’re too far away, accept my air hug. xoxo. Feel free to email me if you want someone to talk to. Divinityrose @ gmail.com

I was so touched this week to find that my youngest fan is not even three years old. I was shown a photo of a sharpie tattoo he got from his dad (tattoo artist) that is a rose with “Divinity” over top of it….He also sings my songs and intelligently asks “Is Divinity Rose NOT coming over?”

I was so amazed to make such an impression on a young boy who evidently loves “lady gaga, pink and Divinity Rose”….I was floored when his family told me that.

I’ll be honest. It scared me a little. The idea of someone liking me enough to have a tattoo saying so is a BIG deal….I’ve had someone tattoo my logo on their leg before, but to see someone as young as Abel look up to me that way…well…that is even more of a big deal …I want everyone to be their own hero and to show me what they’ve got…Show me their unique awesomeness…So, it’s weird to be in a place where others look at you like a hero or something special. I bet we are all a hero to someone…and don’t even know it.

Then, I look back at when I was a child…in foster homes, and how my stuffed animals lined my bed at night creating a protective wall around me and I imagined that one was Mr. T, another the guys from Mash, another was Optimus Prime, one was Snake Eyes from GI Joe, and so on…..When I was Abel’s age, I had an entire sticker book full of Michael Jackson stickers. Having those characters to believe in carried me through hard times, and even as adults, it helps to have someone to look up to and believe in…So, I guess it’s important to have heroes. I only hope that I can live up to the tremendous responsibility, young Abel ( and Sarah). Thank you for inspiring me to be better. I am truly honored.

Destined for greatness
From an early age
Your stories will be told
In life and on page.

Whenever you feel down
Or feel even a little afraid,
Remember you are Abel
And I believe in you.

You navigate this dream
deep within your heart.
You carry the same force
That’s created every part.

Whenever you feel down
Or feel even a little afraid,
Remember you are Abel
And I believe in you.

All it takes is a little belief
In a hero or maybe two
But remember always, dear one
My biggest hero is you.

Whenever you feel down
Or feel even a little afraid,
Remember you are Abel
And I believe in you.

Hello all my beautiful inklings, magical people and godlings! Just when I thought I wouldn’t have a big show until January, I was asked to co-produce and perform in a show on December 11 at the Rudyard Kipling in Louisville, Kentucky.

Prepare your minds! On that fateful night, Cirque Airotic aerial burlesque troop and I bring you BLACKJACK!

I’ll be dealing up 21 delicious acts that make everyone a winner including singers, dancers, comedy, magic and more Can you beat the dealer at her own game?

Tickets are only $12. That’s a lot of entertainment for less than $20! The imagery on this one is going to be beautiful, and two of the aerialists will dangle amongst the audience!

Va Va Vintage is finally done.The after party was the most fun I’ve had at karaoke in years. It was pretty much entire bar sing along night. Thirty of us sang Bad Romance, Love Shack, Bohemian Rhapsody…all the sappy party songs..but it was a whole bar of friends and strangers at one with each other. It was one of those rare moments of bliss, where everything else disappears. It makes me a little sad as I hear Boyz II Men singing “hard to say good bye” in my head. It was an awesome cast and show. That’s one of the signs I was slated for show business, though. When I was a child, my favorite thing was going to summer camp and being family with everyone for a couple weeks and then moving on. I made some amazing friendships through the production, and deepened some old ones. I also had to answer a bazillion times that Mike Nusser is not my husband, even though we dance together very well.

Speaking of Mike Nusser. He’s one of my favorite beloveds and we often sing together at my weekly variety show Sub Rosa: The Gypsie Courtyard. We decided to release a recording of us singing his song Suicide last Monday with Larry Doyle on harmonica. I was sick, and the recording is live, so it’s a little rough….but that’s real, and sometimes that’s the best part of Sub Rosa: how raw it is. There’s even a fun little bit of banter at the beginning of it. I think Mike was a little jealous that I was in deep conversation with national poet and beloved Truth B. Told, who was also there and I have video to prove it.

The Free track from Nusser and I is available to listen to at my Reverb Nation page. It is free to download and take a piece of Sub Rosa with you if you are a member of my email newsletter! (If you’re receiving this in your email from ReverbNation) If you aren’t, don’t worry. You can go to my page and sign up or you can go to www.divinityrose.com and sign up! (If you’re receiving this email from ReverbNation, there should be a link at the bottom of this email to download it!)

And don’t forget, I have a contest going right now where you can win $50, one of my new T-shirts and a copy of Diaries of a Godling: The Promise (my graphic novel). All you have to do is help me gather magical people for the end times! We want no one left behind!! You can join my street team at my ReverbNation and click on the mission on the right hand side of the page for instructions on how to use the widgets to gather people and be tracked for the prizes.

January 8, 2011, Divinity Rose as a Doomsday Lover. Even in the end times, the show must go on! This hilarious and sexy burlesque is set in post apocalyptic times and stars zombies, showgirls, a reporter and YOU! It is highly interactive and you want to get your tickets before they sell out! You can buy a ticket or you can buy a whole table so you and your survival crew can sit right up front amidst the action. It also features entertainment from some of Louisville’s favorite performers such as Jaime Duvall, Mike Nusser, Jorena Faulkner, Cyndi Snow, and a zombie fashion show by Rachel French of Venomiss designs. Tickets can be bought ahead of time at http://www.art-sanctuary.com

So much news! I know! I am on a busy journey, and I am so grateful that each of you are on the rise with me!! The path our hearts lead us on send us ever upward, closer and closer to the bright star that guides us! Hearing from you keeps me alive and going even when the times get tough! Write to me and let me know how your dreams are progressing!

Love, Light and Blessings to send you through your dreams!

xoxoxo
Love,
Divinity Rose