I remember people throughout my life  calling me fearless. As I gain experience, I realize that a large portion of my “fearless” appearance was a mask to many fears I was unaware of.   A lot of those who seem fearless just have different fears than most people or are unaware of them.  I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I look back at my years in high school and realize what a wild child I really was.

Spiders? No problem.  Snake? Let’s catch it! Getting in front of people? Yes, please! Talking to strangers? Couldn’t stop me! Spinning donuts in the park in a dodge omni? Guilty.

but…. Being Wrong? Heaven Forbid! Marriage? Run for the hills! Making lots of money? ummm. Following through on ideas I believe in when someone else doesn’t?  Creating and Promoting myself…and believing that my talent is good enough to stand on its own?  Hurting others unintentionally? Losing “love” or attention from others?

These are the fears I have been overcoming one step at a time. Some of these were not always there. Some of them were learned from being hurt by others.  I know I’m not alone on this. It really feels great when you can recognize and name these fears, because then you can recognize when they arise and affect your choices/behavior. Then you can consciously choose to act in a different way, finding release and freedom from the pesky little buggers.

For much of my life, my philosophy  was to face a fear head on the moment I realized it was there. It was like a need.  However there were a lot of fears I didn’t/couldn’t / refused to see.  Pride kept me from recognizing them.

Over the last couple years, I’ve wandered around a bit, learning about and getting to know my fears.  It’s been a wonderfully freeing experience. I’m amazed what fears are shown to me when I am brave enough to look. I wake up every day hoping to be more fearless

In a step to overcome the fear of pushing my own talent: The big news this week is that I am going to be debuting with my new band in March and I’ve set a goal to release my first book in the “Diaries of a Godling” series at the same time.  It’s going to be an awesome show called Sometimes Poetry ain’t Pretty: Poets, Prophets and Punks and has a really amazing line up. More on that later.

Here’s some other  recent news:

The star wars vs star trek party was a lot of fun, and a local weekly paper “Velocity” sent their photographer out..she arrived late, and my paint job was wearing off… (I fulfilled my debt and hosted as an Orion Slave Girl)

http://louisville.metromix.com/bars-and-clubs/photogallery/star-wars-vs-star/1649158/photo/all

Also, if you’re in the Louisville area, pick up a LEO this week – a lovely photo of yours truly in it for their staff pick for our Sub Rosa show this coming Monday.

And, here’s some recent random writings from my journal: been a while since I’ve posted some:

Technology helps us lie

Pills mean you don’t have to cry

superman can really fly

and it takes so long to die.

Everyone can spell

and no one goes through hell

push a button if you fell

it’s true your broken thoughts can sell.

Am I a poet or a prophet or just a pile of misplaced words and magic chords who’ve become unjust lords as they run through the wires once forged by liars who used to scream a lot about hellish fires

I’ve journeyed far, I’ve journeyed near running from this thing called fear, swayed by every jaunt and jeer, waiting to be in the clear. Reaching for that next mountain top, will it never stop? I’m waiting for the sky to drop

Within me beats a primal drum

a sound that’s only felt by some

those who are still enough to hear

The music that’s unheard by ear.

I feel an ebb, i feel a flow

I’m fed by what there is to know

I shake my arms to watch leaves fall

I utter sounds to shatter walls.

My seed within you sprouts new growth

Your heart’s desire: a sacred oath

The earth rumbles when I sigh,

Waters rise as I learn to fly.

That’s it for this week. I don’t really have a lot to share other than that. I’m in a big production and development stage which makes me a little hermit-like. I will close in saying that I am so grateful to have all of you, the wonderful support and to be finding myself surrounded by more amazing and beautiful people every day.  As the holidays approach, I ask that we all find the strength within ourselves to let go of the things that no longer serve us and prepare to step into a very bright and shining new year.