Save the Kneecapless babies!

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I’ve learned something very disturbing. Babies are born without kneecaps! Holy God! Please, oh please, pray for the kneecapless babies of the world! Please, please pray to the saint/angel/god/goddess of cartilage generation! Ask that these poor poor little helpless beings are given kneecaps!!!!!Without your help, these suffering suckling souls may never know what it’s like to live like normal people with knee caps! Forward this to all your friends, family and strangers! With every forward, the high priestess of Patella will grant a baby a kneecap. (That’s right. One kneecap.) That means we need a lot of forwards!

In addition to that, my friend alerted me to an even stranger phenomenon! If you look at the obituaries in the newspaper, people are dying in alphabetical order! It’s true! I checked! I was never aware of this proof that the universe has such a divine order! Don’t forget to forward this or people will keep dying!!!

That phenomenon caused another friend to question why the alphabet is in the particular order it is anyways! As an individual, perhaps I prefer my A to be in the middle of my phonetical symbols. Perhaps the letters don’t like being forced into a particular order! It’s the MAN trying to keep us down!! I suggest the formation of ALF, Alphabet Liberation Force, STAT! With every forward, we raise five cents to help free the alphabet.

What the heck is going on around here? What does all this mean? It’s signs of the times! It’s the end of the world! This is not a joke. It is something very serious that I want to bring to your attention. That’s right…in less than a minute, the world will never be the same. In less than 30 hours, we’ll change the date! Can you believe we’re almost a decade into the new millennium? Prepare to rewrite checks, letters, and more as you remember it’s no With the death of 2008, we have an opportunity to let go of things that are holding us back. Many start off a new year by making resolutions about what they want to become. Why start of a new year by thinking about all the things you’re not happy with? What a terrible habit! No wonder we all turn to self loathing behavior. What do you love about yourself? Let’s spend a good amount of time on New Year’s celebrating that! What keeps you from focusing on those things? Allow me to suggest you think about things to let go of. If we let go of the things holding us back, we often naturally unfold into the things we love and dream of.

Instead of making a list of things you want to be, try making a list of things you love about yourself. Now, make a list of thoughts or things you want to let go of. Put them side by side and see how letting go of one list will aid you in enjoying the other more.

Now,

Help save the world! Save alphabetical freedom! Save kneecapless babies! Save people from falling for any more hype! Forward this email, and you can help people let go and embrace the coming year! That’s right! Don’t forget to forward this to EVERYONE you know. If you don’t forward this, another baby might be born without kneecaps!!!